


calm after the storm

by thirstysapphics



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Brief Mentions of Past Kara/Mon-El, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 19:48:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12239502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirstysapphics/pseuds/thirstysapphics
Summary: Lena Luthor had never needed anyone.That was until she met Kara Danvers.When Kara stops speaking to her following the expulsion of Daxamites from Earth, she finds herself lost and desperate to reconcile with her best friend. She comes to the startling realisation that she’d do anything for Kara, even if that meant losing herself in the processOr: Kara is hurting and seeks solace in her body. Lena lets her.





	calm after the storm

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hello so i'm definitely not a writer and idk about this but Lena Luthors self deprecating gay ass inspired me to write about her. Apologies in advance for any errors!

Lena Luthor doesn’t need anyone.

She _doesn’t._

_At least, she never used to._

She had learned early on in life that you could only rely on yourself. Growing up a Luthor had ensured that she learn this lesson quickly.

If Lillian Luthor had taught her one thing, it was that emotions were weapons. Used to wound and manipulate the vulnerable.

She had learned the hard way, unfortunately. As her misguided need for love as a child had proved as a means of ammunition from both her adoptive mother and brother.

So she squashed her feelings, she held people at arms lengths and she placed trust only in herself.

Lena had held true to this philosophy for years and it had worked.

It worked until it didn’t.

It worked until she met Kara Danvers.

Kara had barreled into her life and changed it just as quickly. She had been having brunch with her one day when she realized something had shifted. She was looking at Kara, who was laughing beautifully as she explained a joke James had told her, and the realization that she cared for this person had hit her like a ton of bricks.

Years of carefully crafted defenses were shattered, just like that. Lena had sat staring at Kara, shocked at how this woman had so easily inserted herself into her life. More so, she was shocked at how reliant she had become on Kara’s presence.

Kara had become an undeniable source of happiness. Kara was good. She was so _good_ and she brought light to everything she touched. Lena’s frozen heart didn’t stand a chance.

And as time went on, Lena had found that she needed Kara Danvers in her life. She loved her.

And it was so easy to love Kara; she made it so unequivocally _easy_ that Lena didn’t fight it.

In the back of her mind, Lillian’s voice berates her for allowing herself to become so vulnerable.

She knew the voice was right. She knew her love for Kara could destroy her… knew it could break her in a way that no attempt on her life could match.

She couldn’t bring herself to care.

* * *

  
Said best friend hasn’t spoken to her in three weeks.

Three weeks of radio silence.

Not from her lack of trying. Lena had tentatively tried calling her at first. She knew that Kara was grieving the loss of her boyfriend. She knew that she should give her friend time and understood that Kara might not want company. She had disregarded that thought, had called her immediately to lend her support.  

A small voice nagged at her with guilt, too. It was her that was mostly responsible for the removal of the Daxamites from earth, after all. Logically, Lena knew that her hand had been forced. But she felt for her friend, felt for the hurt that Kara would likely feel as a result.

It was also this small part that feared Kara would blame her for her actions.

She didn’t pay it much thought at first.

As her calls went unanswered, however, her fears became more of a reality.

She had called Kara’s phone several times the first week, each voicemail she had left becoming increasingly more concerned. Kara had always answered her calls.

So when Lena had resorted to texting her and the seen notification had popped up immediately, she was both relieved and hurt.

Each message she sent thereafter Kara would read and not reply. Sitting in her office after hours, Lena had gasped quietly at the stab of rejection that coursed through her.   

As the days went on, her desperation grew.  

She had caved and gone to the reporter’s house. She needed to explain to Kara and let her know that it was never her intention to hurt her.

Alex Danvers had answered the door and regarded her with indifference. She had relayed that her sister wasn’t home, was out and was unsure when she’d be back.

It was an obvious lie.

She had glanced over the agent's shoulder and spotted several Chinese containers scattered over the table. Triple as many as a normal person could consume. Kara was home; she was available, just not to her.

Much later, as she’s nursing a tumbler of scotch on her couch, she tries to swallow the guilt that is eating at her.

She despises this feeling. Despises that even though she feels the familiar sting of never being _enough_ , she would still do anything to have Kara smile at her again.  
 

* * *

   
She gets her wish a few days later.

Work had been nothing short of brutal lately. Which was, if nothing, a miracle in disguise. Long nights and even longer board meetings had served as wonderful distractions.

Her head was buried in a proposal for a potential investor when she was interrupted.

“Lena.” Her voice breaks the silence and Lena’s head snaps up at the sound. Kara Danvers stops a few steps from her desk and Lena, in pleasant surprise, stands up from her seat.

“Kara! You’re here, I-“ Her breath catches in her throat as she regards Kara with wide eyes. She swallows thickly, “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Yeah I know, I just,” Kara begins, cutting herself off momentarily as she raises her hand to rub at the back of her neck. “Snapper sent me for a puff piece.” She finally admits, eyes lowering to the floor.

Oh.

_Of course._

Lena clears her throat and waves her hands at the seat in front of her desk. “Right, of course. Please sit.”

Lena regards her friend carefully. The woman that sits before her seems like a world away from the one that bounded into her office a month prior. It had seemed like yesterday Kara had flounced through her doors, beaming smile stretching at her lips and a take out bag in her hand. Now she appeared as if she’d rather be anywhere but here.

“What did you need to know for your article?”

At that, Kara launched into the pre prepared list of questions from her notebook. The puff piece was simple, just a few hundred words highlighting L-Corp’s upcoming involvement in various charity galas.

Lena was easily able to answer Kara’s questions and let her mind wander at the same time.

Kara had continued to use minimal eye contact so it was too easy to just take her friend in.

There is such a palpable sadness present that pulls at every part of Kara and it makes her fingers itch. She aches to reach across her desk and touch her, aches to pull her into a hug and hold her close. She—she wishes she could be the one to take her sadness away. She wishes Kara would want her to be that person for her too.

That admittance makes her fists clench by her side.

“I’m sorry!” The declaration bursts out of her lips, effectively cutting Kara off and startling her at the same time. She couldn’t help herself. Lena hadn’t spoken to her in _weeks_ . She couldn’t just sit here and pretend that the elephant in the room wasn’t suffocating them. “I’m sorry about Mon-El and the Daxamites. I know you must blame me for helping but I-,” Her voice trembles with emotion and on any other day she’d be embarrassed by her loss of composure, but it’s Kara. Kara who is looking back at her with wide and vulnerable eyes and she just doesn’t _care._  “I—I didn’t mean to hurt you…”

Kara chews on her lip. “Is that what you think? That I blame you?”

A surprised laugh escapes her lips, “Of course I do. You’ve been ignoring me for weeks Kara, what else am I supposed to think?”

Kara has the decency to look guilty at that. “Look Lena, I…” she sighs, fiddling with the binder on her notebook. “I don’t blame you Lena, it’s just that I—I” she huffs out in frustration, seemingly unable to find words.

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Kara,” she murmurs out, awkwardly hovering her hands in her lap, “I just wanted to be there for you. I know you must be hurting.”

Kara studies her face for a few tense moments, and then sighs out, “I know Lena, and I don’t blame you.”  Lena shoots a raised eyebrow Kara’s way at that, “I _don’t._ I promise. I know you had to what you did. You’re right… I have been upset. With everything that happened, “ Kara waves her hand around in explanation.

Kara swallows and continues, “And I’m sorry for the silence I just—I needed some time. Do you understand?”

Lena doesn’t. She doesn’t understand how she had found herself being punished if Kara didn’t find her at fault. But as Kara looks at her with pleading eyes, she finds herself nodding in agreement.

“I do. Are you okay though?” Lena reaches across the table and places her hand upon Kara’s, giving a reassuring squeeze. “It must have been difficult losing-“

Kara stands abruptly, pulling her hand out from underneath Lena’s. “Yeah uhh, I’ll be fine. Nothing a few pints of Ben and Jerry’s won’t fix,” She laughs loudly, glancing down at her watch. “Listen I’ve gotta run; you know how Snapper is…”

Lena stands across from her, slightly bewildered, “Right, sure, he was probably expecting the piece five minutes ago.” She bites her lip, “Give me a call, we’ll catch up properly.”

Kara nods quickly, turning towards the door, “Of course, I’ll be in touch.”

“Oh and Kara,” Lena interjects, causing Kara to pause at the door, “I do hope you’re okay.”

Kara smiles at her, but it’s forced and doesn’t meet her eyes, “I’ll be fine, Lena.”

 _Fine._ She had insisted that earlier on too.

Lena has a gnawing feeling in her stomach that nothing is fine at all.  
 

* * *

   
Kara doesn’t call her.

If Lena’s being honest, she didn’t expect her too, not after how Kara left her office in such a rush.

She’s pleasantly surprised however when instead she shows up at Lena’s apartment at eight pm four days later, bags of takeout in each hand.

Kara smiles awkwardly at her when she opens the door, “Hey Lena, have you eaten?”

Lena beams in response and opens her door wide enough for Kara to slip past her. “I haven’t gotten around to it actually,” she lets out a laugh as she watches her friend place four bags of food on her kitchen bench. “Must have sensed I’d be consuming my own body weight in Chinese food instead.”

Kara laughs, "Well I thought I'd make up for our lack of movie nights recently." She walks over and pulls plates out of the cupboard, the familiarity in the action makes Lena smile. "Besides, knowing you I bet you haven't eaten a single carb in a month. I can't let that stand."

Lena rolls her eyes in amusement, "You know eating healthy won't kill you, Kara."

Kara snorts. "That time you made me drink that kale smoothie says otherwise. Something in me definitely died."

Lena laughs, a warm feeling settling in her chest. She's missed this.

They take their food and move over to the couch. She picks up the remote and chucks it to Kara, "Alright, what are we watching? Your pick tonight."

"Ooh pressure," Kara mumbles through a mouthful of potstickers. "Umm, rom-com?"

Lena pauses. "Are you sure?

Kara swallows her mouthful with a slight frown. "I'm not made of glass, Lena. Watching two people in love isn't gonna send me over the edge."

"I know, it's just-" She stops herself, unsure. Kara is the strongest person she's met, but this breakup has hit her hard. She's understandably wary. "Maybe a good thriller will be more of a distraction?"

"I don't need a distraction." Kara waves her off, dismissive. "As I said the other day, I'm fine."

The look on her face tells Lena otherwise.

Kara fiddles with her glasses and continues, "Rom-com it is?"

Lena decides to let it go. Kara is here and it's a step in the right direction. She smiles, "Sure. You know how much I love making fun of the ridiculous cliches anyway."

* * *

  
She can’t help but sneak a glance at Kara. With their food gone, the movie isn’t enough to distract her. Kara has been oddly silent, which in itself is strange because Lena found that even with a mouth stuffed with food, she still found time to nudge Lena and make offhand comments.  

Kara wasn’t watching, her attention focused in her lap. Lena picks up the remote and presses pause. A few moments pass before Kara notices, she turns to Lena in confusion, “What did you stop it for?”

“Well I wanted to see what you were watching. It looked a lot more interesting.”

Kara flushes and looks down at her hands again. “Oh… right.” She fiddles with her fingers and sighs, “Sorry Lena, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

She shakes her head, “No don’t be, it’s okay.” Kara continues to stare at her lap. She reaches across to her and pats her thigh, “You know you can talk to me, right? I mean, we’re friends aren’t we? And you’ve been there for me more than I can count. It’s the least I can do.”

Kara glances at her hand then looks up, lower lip trembling ever so slightly, “Of course we’re friends… And I-- I want to talk to you about it. It’s just-’ She pauses, jaw clenching. “I haven’t made sense of everything, and I’m--I’m not ready yet.

Lena feels  flash of hurt at the admission but then Kara sighs sadly, like the weight of the world is on her shoulders, and she feels for her. Instinctively, she opens her arms, “Oh Kara, come here.” The blonde pauses for a moment before shuffling towards her and falling into her embrace.

“Thanks, Lena.” Kara snuggles into her, burying her head into her neck and mumbling. “I’ve missed you.” She hums, her breath tickling Lena’s neck.

Lena wraps her hands around her back, pulling her close. She knows when she was upset after Jack had passed, the closeness Kara had provided had made her feel better. She would readily be that support for her best friend if it made a difference.  

After a minute or so, she feels the almost feather light  press of lips against her neck and at first she thinks she’s imagining it. Kara is holding her tightly, head burrowed in her neck. She isn’t sure how long they’ll stay like this, she’s never really had girlfriends before and definitely isn’t accustomed to physical affection. It’s nice, though. Very nice. Kara is warm and comfortable and she enjoys the contact.

A few moments pass and Lena realizes her imagination isn’t running wild. She feels the distinct pressure of soft lips drag across sensitive skin once, twice and then come to rest at her pulse point. _Oh._ Lena holds her breath, unsure of what Kara is doing. She moves again, presses firm kisses to her neck, and Lena has to stop herself from moaning when she feels a warm tongue taste her skin.

The feel of Kara’s lips on her neck makes her head fuzzy, the well timed kisses and licks are maddening. Suddenly she feels the scrape of teeth and she gasps. Lena gains a moment of sense and pushes Kara gently back so she can meet her eyes. Kara’s eyes are nearly black as they stare back at her. “Kara-” Her voice comes out gravelly and she flushes, clearing her throat she continues. “What are you doi-’

Her question is abruptly cut off as Kara’s surges forwards and captures her mouth with her own. She gasps at the feeling, her body flushing hotly at the feel of Kara’s soft lips. The kiss isn’t shy, Kara moves against her with intention and causes a surge of butterflies in her stomach. Kara lifts a hand to her cheek and raises the other into her hair.

The slide of their lips echoes between them and they kiss until Lena’s lungs burn for air. She pulls back and sucks down a breath, Kara moving to her neck in the meantime. She's hot and flustered and can barely think, but she know she should ask. “Are you alright?”

“I just need a distraction.” Kara mumbles into her neck between kisses. The position is slightly awkward, Kara’s neck bent at a weird angle. She quickly pulls back and reaches for her hips, urging her to move closer. Lena gets the hint and swings her leg over Kara’s lap. Kara looks at her hungrily, squeezing her hips and diving back into the crook of her neck.

She finds a spot and sucks _hard._ Lena cries out at the sensation, canting her hips forward into Kara’s lap. _Fuck._ Kara pulls back and searches her face, “Is this okay?”

Lena bites her lip. She knows this will complicate their friendship. But her mind is fuzzy and her body thrums with arousal from Kara’s touch. She finds herself nodding in approval.

Kara’s looking at her with determination, gaze flickering from her eyes to her kiss swollen mouth. She looks stunning. Lena can’t help but lean down and capture her lips. Kara kisses her like they’re running out of time, desperate and firm, and it drives her crazy. She feels strong hands leave her hip and slide under her shirt, the hot touch against her stomach making her groan into Kara’s mouth.

Kara wastes no time, her hands caressing their way up her torso and settling on the fabric of her bra. Lena arches her back into the touch, eager for more. It spurs Kara on and she squeeze firmly. Lena rips her mouth away and utters breathily, “Fuck.”

She doesn’t know what is wrong with her. She’s so eager for Kara’s touch that she’d be embarrassed if she wasn’t getting so worked up. Kara squeezes again, rougher this time, and she jerks her hips forward.

Kara quickly becomes frustrated with the angle, her hand cramped underneath her shirt. She tries moving underneath her bra but the lack of room makes it too difficult. Lena gets the hint and pants hotly into her ear, “Kara, my shirt…”.

“Can I?” Kara asks, pulling her hand away from her breast. Lena nods quickly, eager for her touch to return.

Pressure on her stomach makes her lean back, and as Kara hurriedly raises her hands to the buttons of her shirt. Lena waits for her to start unbuttoning, but instead Kara’s strong hands grasp at the fabric and she pulls, popping buttons everywhere and ruining her three hundred dollar silk button up. Kara doesn’t even look apologetic, just helps her shuck of the ruined shirt, leaving her in a black lace bra.

She attempts to do the same thing with the bra, but Lena stops her with a laugh. “I’ve got it,” She whispers, lifting her hands behind her back and unclips the straps. She watches Kara as she lets the bra slide down  her arms, revealing her uncovered breasts to the cool air. She watches hungrily as Kara stares, biting her lip Kara brings both hands up to cup them and heat pools low in Lena’s abdomen.

She squeezes a few times before surprising Lena by bringing her head up to kiss at her breast, leaving a trail of wetness until she reaches her nipple and easily captures it into her hot mouth. “Oh God…” Lena moans, unable to stop her hips from canting forward once more and seeking friction.

She’s so embarrassingly turned on already. Her heartbeat pulses through her body, thrumming with life. It’s too much, yet she needs _more._ She bucks her hips again and she hears Kara moan against her chest. She continues to undulate her hips, too far gone to care. She feels Kara’s strong grip circle at her hips, pushing and pulling her more firmly and she whimpers.

She hasn’t even been touched there yet, but with Kara’s lips at her chest and her head thrown back as she rides her lap, she knows it won’t be long. “Kara, I’m…” She sighs out in pleasure, relishing in the loss of all inhibitions, “Fuck.” Kara gets the message, feeling her hand leave her hip and trail at the waistband of her pants.

Kara pulls back from her chest, catching her eye and silently asking for permission. In the haze of all this, she wonders how they got here so quickly. She looks down at a panting Kara, lips swollen and cheeks flushed beautifully and wonders if she’s dreaming. _Please don’t wake up._

She nods and gasps shakily when Kara easily slips long fingers beneath the waistband and into her underwear. She flushes and can only imagine how responsive she must feel. Kara doesn’t waste time, her fingers quickly seek out her swollen clit and _fuck,_ she’s so close.

Kara’s other hand firmly pulls at her hip, encouraging her to resume her rocking. It’s maddening. The feel of Kara’s fingers, slippery and sliding against her, is all consuming.

Kara brings her lips up to her ear and commands, “Come for me, Lena.” That’s all it takes and Lena, head thrown back and eyes clenched shut, is plummeting off the edge. The orgasm spreads throughout her body, causing her to buck and jerk against Kara’s fingers, crying out in pleasure. She drops her head after the aftershocks leave, her body turning turning jelly.

Kara stands abruptly, causing Lena to yelp and scramble to tighten her legs around her waist. She doesn’t even falter, her muscles hard underneath Lena’s fingertips and arousal licks at her body despite coming so hard she practically saw stars moments prior. Kara sucks and nips her way up her neck until her lips tickle her ear. “Bed?” She asks gruffly, taking her earlobe into her mouth and sucking.

Lena moans and then nods eagerly against her shoulder. They wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight.  
 

* * *

  
Hours later, bodies spent and sore, Lena comes back to herself.

Kara is passed out, she’d fallen asleep minutes after they’d finished, and was curled into her side. Lena looks at her, face smoothed out and peaceful in sleep. She’s safe here, safe from the sadness that hung from her every movement.

Lena can’t find it in herself to regret a thing.

* * *

  
Nothing changes after that night. At least not objectively.

There is no discussion of what they’d done, no explanation or even an acknowledgement. In fact, things had returned to their new normal of radio silence.  It had been five days since and as she falls back into the unfortunate familiarity of their routine, Lena could almost convince herself that she hadn’t completely given herself to her best friend.

She _almost_ could, however the evidence of Kara’s touch that lingers on her body screams at her otherwise.

The sharp contrast of the purplish blue marks against the pale of her skin serve as tangible proof that it wasn’t some dream or trick of the mind.

And it’s from these reminders, when she catches a glimpse of the marks that litter her thighs and stomach as she’s getting dressed, or when she lets her mind wander late at night, that to her she realizes _everything_ had changed.

She can’t get the night they shared together out of her head.

More-so, she can’t stop thinking about it in excruciating detail which is really wreaking havoc on her day to day life. She finds herself thinking of the press of their naked bodies, the way Kara took control and unraveled her with her touch.

And _God,_ it’s so different to anything she’s ever experienced.

Lena is no stranger to sex. Despite her aversion to forming close relationships, she had physical needs. She was still human, after all. She allowed herself to indulge in one night stands when she had an itch she needed scratching. It almost felt routine how she found herself in dark clubs when work became a bit too overwhelming, when she became easily distracted by the the hum of un pent energy beneath her skin. She would readily lose herself in nameless women for a few hours, reveal in the sounds drawn from her fingertips in the quiet of the night and then return to the world the next day, mind sharp and body limber.

But this was different, this was Kara who she _loved._ Lena wasn’t silly. She knew her feelings for Kara weren’t simply that of friendship. She recognized that she cared too much, too fast. She had also recognized early on that there would never be anything more to it than friendship. So the thought had been tucked away, never given a chance to develop and only surfacing on the nights that she found herself particularly lonely.

Kara was in a relationship. Kara was _straight._

Or so she had thought.

And now that both of those reasons no longer held influence over her, she couldn’t help but entertain the possibility of wanting more with Kara.

It was like a dam had broken and it was all she could think about. Suddenly there is whole new world at her feet; a plethora of opportunities within her grasp. She feels like she should be terrified of this reality, scared of how pursing these wants could so easily destroy her and everything she’s worked for. And a part of her is apprehensive, but to her quiet surprise, it doesn’t hold a candle to the downright _giddiness_ that drowns out all other voices of reason.

The thought of being with Kara romantically makes her so utterly happy that she has no other choice other than to be honest. And it’s with that she’d made her decision; the relief that follows is overwhelming.

She’s going to tell Kara how she feels. She’s going to give herself the luxury of pursuing something that she _wants_ for the first time in a long time.

It was now or never.

* * *

   
She presses the call button before she can chicken out.

It’s eleven thirty am and she finally has a free moment from meetings and the chaos that is Monday mornings at LCorp to contact Kara.

The phone rings, rings, rings and then Kara’s voice filters into her ear. “Hello?”

Butterflies rise in her stomach at the sound but she presses on, “Kara, hi! It’s Lena.”

Kara lets out an amused laugh that is like music to her ears. “Lena, you know caller ID is a thing, right? I knew it was you.”

Lena bites her tongue. She imagines Kara knew it was her all the times her calls went unanswered, too.

“Right, sorry,” she clears her throat, trying to squash any lingering nerves. “Listen, I was just wondering if you were free? I’ve got an opening for lunch, did you want to grab something to eat?”

“Oh, umm…” Kara hesitates and she hears rustling in the background. “I’m not sure Lena, I’d love to but I’m a bit flat out with work.”

“Oh.” She can’t help but let the disappointment color her tone. “Right, I-” She cuts herself off, unsure what to say.

Kara clears her throat, “I mean I--I guess I could slip away for ten minutes. Is Noonan’s okay?”

“Yes that sounds great. Is twelve fifteen okay?” She smiles.

“Yup that’s fine. See you soon, Lena.” The line clicks and Kara is gone.

Lena let’s out a relieved laugh.

It’s happening. She’s really going to tell Kara how she feels.

The next thirty minutes drag on. Lena doesn’t get one bit of work done in that time. She gets stuck between nervously checking the time and staring at the paperwork in front of her. As soon as the clock hits twelve she grabs her jacket, informs Jess of her absence and departs for Noonan’s.

She decides to walk. She appreciates the distraction.

Kara is present when she arrives, tucked into a booth with an iced drink that’s more cream and chocolate sauce than liquid. It’s adorable and she finds herself smiling at the sight.

“I do hope you’re just in desperate need of an energy hit.” She remarks, sliding into the booth opposite Kara. “Because if not, your dentist must make a killing.”

A small smile pulls at Kara’s lips, “Well the sugar rush is definitely appreciated.” She takes a sip, “But nope,” She smacks her lips and lets out an appreciative moan for good measure, “I just have good taste. And I haven’t been brainwashed in to thinking _that_ tastes even a little acceptable.” Kara gestures to the large coffee cup sitting in front of Lena with distaste.

Lena grins and takes a sip of her drink. Large soy latte with no sugar and an extra shot. Her regular order. “Mm, I love me some good brainwashing,” she lifts her coffee in appreciation, “Thanks for the drink though.”

“No problem.” Kara takes a long sip of her drink.

“So uhh,” Lena fiddles with fingers around the lid of her cup, “How have you been?”

Kara meets her eyes for a moment, nodding her head enthusiastically before looking around the cafe. “Yeah good- uh, really great. Snappers been on a warpath today so that sucks, but when isn’t he, right?” She lets out a small laugh, then sighs and plays with her straw. “Other than that, I can’t complain. How about you?”

Lena looks at Kara. She notes that the familiar pull of sadness remains evident in her eyes and in the slight slump of her shoulders. She’s smiling occasionally now, which is an improvement, but it’s not _her_ Kara’s smile.

It’s also clearly evident that she’s desperately trying to act like they didn’t just fuck each other almost a week ago which is just… _great._

“I’m glad, Kara. And yes, fine, work is work...” She shrugs, then sighs around their small talk, watching as Kara flicks her eyes up to meet her own. “I appreciate you finding time to meet with me.”

She feels the tension building in the muscles in her shoulders knowing she’s going to have to drag the subject up herself. She slides her hand up to her neck and massages at her skin. She watches with interest as Kara’s eyes flick down briefly, eyes widening as she catches sight of what Lena no doubt knows is the fading remnant of a bruise at the junction where her neck met the top of her shoulder. A bruise that Kara herself had caused.

“Um- I, yeah,” Kara’s eyes remain at her neck for a moment before flicking back up to meet hers. “It’s fine.” The look on her face is guarded, and Lena knows that Kara is anticipating the reason for why she brought her here.

“Listen Kara, I wanted to talk about the other night.” There, she said it.

Kara’s face falls slightly and her eyes lose the small amount of emotion they previously held. The shift is subtle, but Lena has become so hyper aware of Kara’s body language that it’s easily observed. “What about it?” Kara questions coolly.

Lena swallows away the sudden dryness in her throat and presses on, “I wanted to discuss with you what it meant?” She wanted to test the waters. See what Kara had felt about the situation before she admitted her feelings.

“What do you mean, _what it meant_?” Kara’s tone was slightly bewildered.

“Well I mean we had sex, Kara…” Lena declared, confusion evident as she sees Kara blink at the word sex. “It’s not something we normally do. I’m wondering what it meant?”

Kara’s eyes narrow slightly at Lena’s line of questioning and she lets out a sigh, “I was there, Lena. I understand that we had _sex_.” The last word came out louder than expected and Kara flushed, eyes darting around to see if anyone had overheard them. She leans forward and lowers her voice, “Why are you asking what it meant? I mean--I thought that much was clear?”

Lena had found herself leaning forwards as well, eager to hear Kara and make sense of her words. It wasn’t clear to her at all, in fact she was more confused now than before. “Can you make it a little bit clearer?”

Kara looked at her like she’d grown a second head. “Well I was clearly upset.” Kara states slowly, fingers grasping at the plastic of her drink and staring at her as if she’d just given a reasonable explanation.

Lena bites her lip and waves for her to continue. “And?”

“And you were there for me, Lena. And-”Kara pauses for a moment and shrugs nonchalantly, “And we got caught up in the moment, I guess.” Lena frowns at that, not liking the direction her explanation was going in. Kara barrels on in what Lena assumes is supposed to be a reassuring tone, “And don’t worry,  it doesn’t have be weird between us. I mean it was just sex, right? It didn’t mean anything.”

Oh.

_Oh._

Lena feels like she’s been punched in the stomach.

“I haven’t really been myself since Mon-el left,” Kara laughs awkwardly. “We can just forget about it.”

Lena isn’t sure what to do. Her face feels hot and she can feel her eyes start to sting. Of all the possible scenarios she didn’t prepare for Kara being so dismissive. She feels so incredibly stupid. “Um,” Her voice comes out thick with emotion and she quickly swallows, “Are-are you sure?”

Kara nods dismissively and it is clear to Lena that the topic is over. After a few moments of silence Kara starts talking about something Winn had said earlier that morning, or so Lena thinks. It falls on deaf ears.

Kara leaves not long after, finishing the rest of her drink and mumbling about some piece she had to finish. Lena simply nods along, her responses on auto pilot at this point. Kara squeezes her shoulder briefly and extends an invitation to get lunch next week and then she’s gone. And Lena is left alone.

Always alone.

Lillian’s voice echoes nastily in her head. _Told you so.  
_  

* * *

   
To Lena’s surprise the world doesn’t fall apart. The world keeps on turning the next day and the demands of life remain ever present. So she keeps breathing; she survives, and she throws herself into her work as if nothing had happened.

It hurts, of course. She cries that night when she finds herself alone in the comfort of her apartment. Away from the scrutiny of her public life, she allows herself to mourn. Allowed the hope at a life she’d yearned for to be washed away by her silent tears. And then when morning had come the next day, she carefully applied makeup to conceal the redness around her eyes and began her day anew.

Kara didn’t want her in that way. She wasn’t enough, she wasn’t _him._

And that was okay. It _was._

She didn’t blame Kara. Her friend was oblivious to her feelings, after all. Despite the hurt she felt at being rejected, she still valued Kara’s presence in her life and cared for her immensely. And she would happily swallow her feelings if that meant the blonde would remain in her life in some capacity.

Outwardly, she finds it all too easy to shut off that part of her. She is a Luthor after all, and they are oh so talented at playing a part. So she pretends as if that night had never happened, as does Kara, and to Lena’s surprise things start to gain some normalcy.

Kara sticks to her word and upholds her offer of coffee and it begins from there. They text and call and have impromptu lunch dates and it’s reminiscent to how they were before the Daxamites left.  Kara is still reserved; still remains closed off when conversations stray into sore subjects but it’s much improved and Lena is thankful.

This continues for about a month until the calm is once again shattered.

She had just kicked off her heels after a long day at the office when the her doorbell had rang. Lena can’t help but sigh. It was nine pm on a Saturday and she was exhausted. It had been a _long_ working week and she had been looking forward to slipping into comfortable clothes and indulging in a bottle of red.

She pauses for a moment, hoping whoever was there would give up and leave but more knocking breaks the silence. _Fine._

Her eyes widen when she opens the door. Kara is standing in front of her, eyes red rimmed and wet. “Kara what-”

“Can I come in?” Kara cuts her off, voice shaky.

“Ofcourse.” She opens her her door and ushers the blonde in.

She watches as Kara takes a few strides into her apartment, stopping short in the middle of the hallway. The shake of her small frame has Lena worried. “Kara, what’s happened?” Kara doesn’t respond, instead she lets out a stifled sob and lifts shaky fingers to wipe at the tears falling from her eyes. “Hey,” Lena walks closer to her friend, placing her hand on her shoulder.

Kara looks up at her and Lena’s heart stutters. Her eyes are wide with fat tears and her lip trembles. “Oh darling,” She squeezes her shoulder in reassurance, “What’s happened?”

“Nothing’s happened I-” Kara sighs, shaking her her head. “I just-” She huffs and averts her eyes, getting frustrated, “It’s stupid.”

“Don’t talk like that, Kara. It’s okay,” Lena moves her hand to Kara’s chin, pulling her face back towards hers. “You can tell me.”

Lena barely has time to react before Kara lifts her hands up to her face and pulls her into a searing kiss. Lena lets out a surprised gasp into the press of Kara’s lips. It only takes her a second to melt into the achingly familiar kiss, grasping at Kara’s button up and pulling her closer. The kiss is bruising, Lena can feel every ounce of Kara’s sadness pouring into her mouth.

Kara slows after a while and then separates their lips to suck in a breath, breathing hotly into her mouth. “Lena, please...” she whispers shakily, caressing her cheek with her thumb. She’s dazed, her head swimming with the taste and smell of Kara but the tone of her voice makes her eyes flutter open. Their eyes meet and the look of pleading in her friend's eyes makes her breath catch in her throat. “Lena, I need you.”

She knows what Kara is asking of her. Knows that they’ll end sleeping together and Lena will find herself right back where she started. And _God,_ she knows that if she had any sense of self preservation she’d stop this instantly.

But she doesn’t; she just nods and lets herself be pulled back into Kara’s grasp.

* * *

   
After that night the pretense of a one time thing is quickly lost.

It becomes a regular occurrence; slotting into their dynamic without question. They don’t talk about it. Their friendship thrives in the light of day so there’s no place. But when night arrives and it becomes too much for Kara, Lena knows what to expect.

Her intentions are always presented in a simple text. _You home?_ And Lena knows what saying yes means. Knows she’s agreeing to much more than her whereabouts. It’s their unspoken agreement.

And she finds herself aching to say no.

But she doesn’t; she can’t find the strength to deny her friend, because Kara needs her.

So they fuck and Kara leaves and Lena loses another piece of herself each time.

Kara doesn’t love her. Kara loves _him._

But in some fucked up way Kara needs her. Kara seeks comfort in her sighs and in her touch. It’s fleeting, but it’s _something_.

And even though her heart is breaking, in those stolen moments Lena can almost convince herself that it’s enough.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is very welcome. I was thinking maybe continuing from Kara's POV? Lemme know what you think here or on tumblr @ thirstylena


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